Ask Shaman Lizzie
February 14, 2024
Every week Shaman Lizzie publishes a question she has answered from a visitor of IrishShaman.com. To ask Lizzie your questions, please use her Contact form.
Dear Shaman Lizzie: My husband of 34 years was killed in a car accident in the summer of 2023. We had made so many plans to enjoy after his retirement and both of us were so excited to spend more time together. I’m devastated that he’s gone and can’t move forward with my life. Do you have any advice for me? Pauline, Gadsden, AL.
Dear Pauline: Hello and thank you for contacting me. I’m so sorry about the loss of your husband and offer my sincere condolences. Losing a loved one is undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences we can face in life. The sudden loss of a spouse, especially after sharing a beautiful 34-year marriage, can leave us feeling overwhelmed, confused, and longing for closure. In times like these, it’s important to remember that healing takes time and that there are ways to navigate through the pain and find solace.
Embracing the Grief Process
Grief is a natural response to loss, and it affects each person differently. It’s essential to allow yourself to grieve and acknowledge the emotions that come with it. It’s okay to feel depressed, confused, and numb during this time. Your feelings are valid, and it’s crucial to give yourself permission to experience them fully.
While it may seem impossible to move forward, finding closure is a personal journey that requires patience and self-compassion. Remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one, but rather finding a way to honor their memory and integrate their presence into your life in a different way.
Connecting with Your Loved One’s Spirit
Many people find comfort in believing that their loved one’s spirit is still with them, even after they have passed away. While there is no definitive answer to whether your husband knows how much you love and miss him, it’s important to trust in the connection you shared during your years together.
Take solace in the signs and moments that remind you of your husband’s presence. Whether it’s a familiar scent, a song that holds a special meaning, or a vivid dream, these experiences can provide a sense of comfort and reassurance. Embrace them as reminders that love transcends physical boundaries and that your connection with your husband is eternal.
Finding Support and Seeking Professional Help
During times of grief, it’s crucial to lean on your support system. Reach out to friends, family, or a support group who can provide a listening ear and understanding. Sharing your feelings and memories can help alleviate the burden of grief and provide a sense of relief.
If you find that your grief is overwhelming and impacting your daily life, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. Grief counseling or therapy can provide a safe space to explore your emotions, gain coping strategies, and find ways to move forward while still honoring your husband’s memory.
Honoring Your Husband’s Memory
One way to find closure and healing is to honor your husband’s memory in meaningful ways. Consider creating a memory box filled with mementos, photographs, and letters that remind you of your time together. This tangible reminder can serve as a source of comfort and a way to keep your husband’s spirit alive.
Another way to honor your husband is by engaging in activities or causes that were important to him. Whether it’s volunteering for a cause he cared about or participating in a hobby you both enjoyed, these actions can help you feel connected to him and find a sense of purpose.
Embracing Life After Loss
While the pain of losing your husband may never fully disappear, it is possible to find joy and meaning in life once again. Allow yourself to explore new interests, connect with others, and create a fulfilling life that encompasses both the memories of your husband and the potential for new experiences.
Remember, healing is not a linear process. There will be good days and bad days, but over time, the pain will become more manageable. Be patient with yourself, practice self-care, and surround yourself with love and support. Your husband’s love will always be a part of you, and as you navigate through your grief, you will find a way to carry his memory with you while embracing the beauty of life.
Pauline, may you find solace, healing, and the closure you seek.
Love and Blessings,
Lizzie
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